Heather Weir-Nica

After "struggling" for years with my mental health in the workplace, I realise that I need to talk about myself, which I feel embarrassed about and I might come across as being selfish/entitled. But I need to act now as I'm financially dependent on my 75 year old mother who can't retire from her nursing job as a result. That makes me angry. I have a 10 year old daughter, I was a single mother for 10 years. Lily was diagnosed with CDH at 6 months, she made a full recovery but my anxiety increased as a result. I found it difficult to work full time and be a good mother. I became self employed working from home to spend more time with her. However the business wasn't really paying the bills and it's just been too easy to use my Mum's money to survive.I can't keep living like this, I have seeker medical help. I got prescribed antidepressants, although I don't believe I am depressed as I'm a positive person. I find it difficult dealing with people, so maybe I have Avoidant Personality disorder. I also think I have OCD as I get stressed working in dirty offices. I had thought about doing cleaning work but without sounding that cleaning is beneath me, I have been a cleaner in the past. I just feel that I could do something more constructive with my time.I am 46 years old, I became a single mother through choice at 36. I have trust issues with people. My daughter's father has never met her, while this hurt me, I am so happy that I have Lily in my life. I also got married last September to a great guy. He has been through similar issues as myself and as a result of him having 2 strokes, his ability to work is limited.I need to adapt to my situation. Self help seems my own option to improve my financial situation. I applied for PIP but I got a refusal letter yesterday. I doubt I could survive on £83.30 anyway. I want to work, be proud of myself, give my daughter a good life/achieve things in her life. I have so much potential/positively in my head, but I need to stop living in my head and put my thoughts onto paper. My Mother said that I have delusions of grandeur/am bipolar which could have hurt my feelings. I would like to use my abilities to prove her wrong and be financially secure. I am already so happy, I love being a loyal wife and it's amazing seeing Lily growing up. I want to travel more with my family. As both my husband and I are Pokemon Go addicts, a trip to Japan would be the top of our bucket list.So the position I find myself in now is one of trying to get out of the rut I'm stuck in. It's not going to be easy but I need to be heard.